Take me to Turkey: September 2009

Next trip: Sarigerme, Turkey

06.09.2009: 20:35

We meet our intrepid travellers, Richard and Jaine, for their main holiday of the year – Turkey Holiday Village in Sarigerme.

With two weeks of idyllic all-inclusiveness ahead of them, and with a flight at 07:00 the following morning, the pair hit the sack.

Sweet dreams, adventurers!

10.09.2009

Gosh, it was hot! So, our two adventurers had not only arrived safely in Sarigerme, Turkey but had settled in, finally (more on that in a minute), and were beginning to really chillax!

To recap then. The airport experience, both in Cardiff and in Dalaman, was brilliant. Richard and Jaine were rushed through on both sides thereby avoiding the inevitable queues and fuss. Jaine assumed it was due to her VIP status, and Richard agreed 😊

The trip to the Holiday Village was uneventful, riding along in a 24(ish) seater bus with net curtains and chandeliers – very, erm, chic. Everyone they met was very friendly and this, sadly, surprised Jaine. Sadly, as that meant she had had preconceptions about the Turks.

Check in was good, and easy, and they went on in and settled in their room (1047). It was certainly large enough. Although designed for a “family of four”, it was too small for that. So, to the room, quick change and out to the pool for a bit of sun. The BIG pool! Full of slides, people and children, lots of inflatables and Jaine’s boobs; topless virgin that she was – it had to be done!

After a fab meal (the food although not always hot was varied, tasty and enjoyable) they got a little drunk and watched a former backing singer for Gloria Gaynor (Richard was in his element: I will survive), and her band perform songs everyone could sing along to.

Our Turkish travellers changed rooms the following day as the shower was too slippy and quite dangerous. Their new room was 4024, and this one was fine.

Days were spent by the pool, dipping in and out, sunbathing, reading and listening to the iPod. Lunches and dinners were always tasty, and the Raki was going down a storm. On the third evening, Jaine discovered, quite by accident, the joys of Vodka and Melon slush which soon turned into a Sex on the Beach slush. Mmmm.

NB At every available opportunity I pointed out the dangers of ignoring the “Danger Wet Floor” signs. Not because the floor “was” slippy but rather that Jaine had already fallen over the sign itself as they arrived; while sober and with a full reception area as an audience.

I also wish to comment on Jaine’s geography skills, and of knowing where she was. Three days in and she still didn’t know which way the pool was!

Richard

Richard spent most of his time listening to the Russell Brand podcasts on the iPod, laughing so much that complete strangers would come up to Jaine to ask what it was the Rich was laughing at. He has a mad laugh.

On the evening before, Jaine and Richard had booked into the Italian restaurant, to be served rather than self-serve. They had a lovely meal, it was a nice change, and they were booked into the Turkish restaurant on Sunday.

When they finally returned from the pool at around 18:00, they found a card from First Choice inviting them to a cocktail party the next night. Great, they were well into their cocktails.

11.09.2009

Anniversary of the horrible events of 2001. Too awful to recall. Our pair remembered…

13.09.2009

As our pair of Turkish Travellers sat by the pool, finally, after a hard day’s haggling in the market in Sarigerme, they considered the past few days.

The cocktail party had been a washout; literally. Heavy rain had come and flooded the Wedding Gazebo where it was to be held – alternative arrangements were made but, as Jaine had lost at Pool that morning, they were busy getting their strategies ready and, of course, there had been a forfeit to pay!

The following day (Saturday) was also rainy and yet they had managed to slip out and catch “some” rays. They’d played Pool in the morning, Jaine didn’t win any of the games and was currently trailing 1-8. This resulted in another forfeit for Jaine. They’d had a lovely few meals and Jaine had had quite a few Vodka Slushies – mmm, her favourite. Rich had decided to stay off the alcohol and felt better for it.

It had been Turkish night on the Saturday with the meals reflecting Turkish cuisine, a mini Turkish market and some Turkish dancing which Jaine and Richard managed to catch the last five minutes, settling down just in time for the Chocolata Song. Truly awful!

Richard and Jaine met Selma on the Friday night. Selma worked in the jewellery shop at the hotel and was trying to persuade Rich to buy Jaine a ring – hmmm, a tad embarrassing, but she was nice, and although they’ve spent most of the time since then trying to avoid her, she was pleasant and did not put undue pressure on our boy.

So, shopping in Sarigerme had been an experience. Richard liked haggling and could haggle with the best of them. He got some good bargains, they had a good laugh and, as usual, the people were incredibly friendly, courteous and always helpful towards the two, particularly Richie.

The afternoon was spent in the sun, and occasionally the pool with the noodle. It was hot but still cloudy and kind of difficult to tell whether they’d get a tan or not. They had booked a meal tonight at the Turkish restaurant – first though, a habitual couple of after-pool beers a shower.

NB while haggling with a Turkish stall holder it became apparent that the phrase “God loves a trier” was not my best choice of words; confirmed by Jaine’s steely stare.

          Richard

18.09.2009

We meet our travellers again on the last Friday of their holiday.

The Turkish meal had been nice. The service was rather slow, but the food was tasty and the open air setting a nice touch,

Most of their days had been spent getting up when they felt like it (and at times they even made it for breakfast), eating when they were hungry and, in the case of Richard, falling asleep by the pool while working on his tan!

On Tuesday Jaine and Richard had booked a First Choice trip to Fethiye, for the market. It was only a half day excursion, but they managed to buy a lot of stuff – despite the crucifying heat. There was one point when, underneath the tent-like canopies, that Jaine felt she was about to pass out, so a sit-down and a bottle of water was in order.

Richard, once again, haggled like a demon and got all of his purchases for a fraction of the starting price. All except one: the lemon man got one over on our cheeky chappie but it wasn’t by much, and he got a kiss to boot. The stallholders are worth a mention; “genuine fake sh*te”, “cheaper than Primark”, “No buy, just look” were common phrases heard. All very good-humoured and a good laugh.

The guide on the coach was great – although Rich wished he’d stop talking at times – as he was very knowledgeable of Turkish history and of the many places they had passed through. Everywhere is quite barren; it can’t be said it is run-down as it doesn’t appear to have ever been run-up.  Fethiye was quaint though with the harbour hosting some fabulous boats.

On the way to the markets, they’d stopped at the Gold Centre where they bought nothing but did enter and leave via a secret 007-style door and had an interesting conversation with one of the salesmen. Not about gold, as you’d perhaps expect, but wheelchairs. The salesman said that his mother’s cost £6,000 and was the really heavy type. He seemed quite envious of Richard’s, and Rich thought he saw a good business opportunity. Typical 😊 Sadly, it looked like the salesman was getting a right old telling off as our pair moved off – obviously, all his “chat” had not resulted in a sale. Nice guy though.

Richard had booked them both into the Asian restaurant for the Wednesday night. Sadly, they were not that impressed by the food. It wasn’t as good as the other two they’d been to and, at a push, the buffet was better as well. Nice to be served though.

Thursday (yesterday) our pair spent yet another relaxing day by the pool. Richard, who fancies himself as a bit of a Ray Mears’ protégé, fashioned himself a hat from a banana leaf. It was a dual style hat – it was a floppy and gladiatorial hat depending on how you wore it. Hmm, at least everyone had a good laugh. The same people go every day, and they think our dynamic duo are quite mad; coupled with the fact that Rich goes into the pool in a child’s rubber ring and gets out using the well known “slug” technique, it is little wonder!

NB Jaine has a penchant for Vodka Slushies. This is no problem until she reaches the end of the aforementioned drink. She sucks the slush through a straw making that annoying sound that is reminiscent of someone who sits behind you at the cinema.

Jaine uses a disproportionate amount of DOVE body wash. I brought a 500ml bottle, which was half full 😊, that bottle has lasted me 3 months. 250ml / 3 = 87ml A MONTH. Jaine uses at least 30ml for each wash. Jaine, by her own admission, is a full-figured lady. However 30ml a wash would clean 14 Romanian gypsies of various ages!

I think a great deal of Jaine and love her very much. Thus far, we have had a fabulous holiday with much fun. Even playing the simple, yet surprisingly hard, game “Boy’s name, Girl’s name, Vegetable and Fruit”, starting with the letter A and working all the way to the letter Z.

Richard

23.09.2009

Our intrepid holidaymakers had returned home and had set about the difficult task of getting back to normal.

The last couple of days had been serious business: seriously working on their tans, that is! Tanning and visiting the pancake lady. They were the most delicious pancakes, and you sat in a Bedouin-style tent as she made them, and you ate them. Richard and Jaine were as full as ticks after them, but no matter, as they were on holiday.

The final day dawned and after packing they went for a hearty, yet leisurely brekky. When they returned to their room, Jaine could smell smoke. All Hell broke loose then, as one of the apartments in their block, but on a higher level, was apparently on fire. Our Dynamic Duo was in no danger though, and it was all dealt with efficiently and quickly.

The journey to the airport was without incident, and the flight was smooth. Star Trek was on (which they both enjoyed), and the in-flight meal was good. Especially good in fact, as they hadn’t booked one and so shouldn’t have had one. Tee hee.

Mike2 collected them from the airport, and they went “over the Crows” for a nice steak and a bottle of Pinot Rose. Jaine had missed her wine and a thoroughly nice evening ensued – a perfect end to a perfect holiday.

Where to next….?